unexpected honesty

So, apparently this whole dealing with how people react when you tell them your child is diagnosed with downs goes on for a bit of time -- for a minute, as the inmates would say. 

I'm still a little taken aback by some people's reactions to the statement: my daughter has been diagnosed with down syndrome.

I told a pretty good friend of mine today.  he's very bright, an extremely talented musician, fancies himself abit of a liberal, and almost finished a law degree. 

when I told him, he got a very serious look on his face, looked me right in the eye and said, "Oh, my god, I'm sorry."

I said, "don't be, it's all good."

he said, "no it's not.  I'm so sorry, I hate it when bad things happen to good people."

I said, "I'm not sorry."

and the conversation seemed to mystically move on from there.

I wasn't angry at my buddy because he gave me his most honest, heartfelt reaction which required me to check my thinking and my level of honesty with myself and others.  I appreciated the fact that he truly understood the potential gravity of the situation and was willing to not sugarcoat his reaction. 

that's a true friend.

His statements had nothing to do with bias and stereotype, it was simply and expression of concern for myself and my family based on an understanding of how big an impact this diagnosis could have on us.

It brought me back to reality.

It brought me back to the realization that this is big smoke and no matter how much I hear about how wonderful a child with down syndrome can be, my friend's statements made me look directly into the eyes of the future and realize, "holy crap, this is big smoke. this is not a walk in the park among the daisies, this is potential heartbreak and much work for the rest of our lives."

really, no matter how you spin it and no matter how cool it is to be having another baby, I also have to be realistic and understand that this is one of the most significant and huge events to happen in my life and with it there comes potential for some serious emotional rollercoaster riding; some significant frustration, irritations, and pain.

Yep, my friend, with a few honest words, spoken directly into my heart showed me I need a balance of excitement, faith, and soberness.

God is good but this is one ride fraught with highs, lows, fears, joys, heartaches, exhilaration, laughter, and pain.\

this is not too terribly different from being a parent in general but the diagnosis of down syndrome brings a sobering reality which I never experienced with the birth of my other children. 

thank God, he is ultimately intelligent and wise -- cause I'm lost.

D.

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