Ok, I know people are really trying to being encouraging and reassuring, and I'm not angry at people for their many wonderful comments and discussions with me when they hear that my wife and I are having a baby with downs.
but I must say, I'm tired of hearing about how kim and I are the ideal parents for a child with down syndrome. I'm not the ideal parent for anyone. As a dad I screw up royally and blow it big time in big ways and because of that I'm scared silly about having a child with special needs. I'm just not that cool. I think I'm competent but that's about it and hopefully it's good enough.
second, I'm tired of people telling me about "those people": those people are so happy; those people are so joyful; those people always see life in such a great way; those people show us what's really important.
really? if those people (as if they're aliens or something) are so astounding then why aren't all expectant parents wandering around saying, "Gee, I hope I have a baby with an extra chromosome, cause they're so cool."
they're not those people, they're just people. they learn a little slower, they talk a little slower, and they move a little slower but so do most alcoholics and we don't spend time idealizing them. I know where this comes from, people are trying to share their positive experiences they've had with people with downs, in an attempt to allay my anguish over having a special needs child, to tell me that it'll be ok and to no be sad, some good may come of this.
problem is I don't have any anguish or upset over having a baby diagnosed with down syndrome. I'm scared but not upset, sad, bent, annoyed or bothered. I'm having another kid and I have a wife willing to have another kid and that's awesome. Kaylen Coe will be just like my other kids who are happy, sad, joyful, mean, angry, upset, irritating, annoying, bothersome, and a blessing. My three current children learn things very quickly generally -- except how to pick up after themselves but Kaylen will learn some things easily and most things she will struggle with -- it'll be like raising a politician.
finally, you don't have to say "I'm sorry."
I'm not.
It's ok to not know how to react when I tell you my next child has down syndrome, just ask me how I'm doing and let me bless you by telling you I'm doing well and that God is good.
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babies with downs have a much higher probability of not making it through a pregnancy. there's a very real possibility that kaylen coe may die before being born. that's why I'm happy we picked a name for her already. If she dies I have a name which makes it much easier to mourn for her -- yep that real talk kids, get used to it.
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hey, I'll try to be a little more uplifting and fluffy next time, but this is about me and what's going on with the daddy and that's what's going on. I hope I haven't offended anyone because I know that each person who says something is trying to bless me and be supportive and reassuring, so thanks.
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Bring the noise
Darrin Coe